Are you worried about your behaviour?

One of the first steps to ending abuse is to take full responsibility for your behaviour. It is, of course, easier not to take responsibility because it makes you feel better in the short term, as if you aren’t responsible for your abuse then you don’t have to feel bad about it.

If you aren’t responsible, it means you don’t have to stop the violence because there’s nothing you can do to prevent it from happening again.

It takes strength to admit that you are abusing your partner. But if you want to change your abusive behaviour, you can. Violence is learned behaviour. You can successfully unlearn it by;

  • Accepting responsibility for the abuse. You cannot blame your actions on your partner, or on drink, drugs, stress or work
  • Accept that the abuse comes from your desire to control your partner. Understand the ways you control that person and why you behave like this
  • Realise that you have a choice. You choose to be violent or abusive, and you can choose not to be
  • Accept that your partner has a right to live their own life without being dominated and controlled
  • Stop using anger to control your partner
  • Seek help from professionals. Start by talking to your GP who can refer you for counselling, or contact a local support group


Local Support – The Change Project


Tel: 0800 5003006

The change project’s mission is to address the behaviour of people who abuse in any relationship and educate and support them to achieve a life free of abuse through positive change.

Through the behavioural change of the abuser, the aim is to increase the well-being of people who are, or have been, living with conflict or domestic abuse.

  • We also offer a bespoke 1-2-1 intervention via our Change Hub service wherever domestic abuse is a concern within personal or family relationships.
  • We provide counselling to promote wellbeing by enabling people to have healthy relationships in families, between individuals, and in the community.
  • We address sexual problems through counselling and psychosexual therapy covering all aspects of intimate relationships.
  • We enable young people to develop healthy balanced relationships in later life through a range of therapeutic services, drama-based workshops in schools.
  • We deliver training to professionals and the wider public about relationships in conflict.


Other support available

Respect Help For Domestic Violence Perpetrators | Respect Phoneline UK 

Respect Phoneline is a team of friendly Advisors who will listen to you without judgment. Our team are available to offer you confidential and honest advice to help you stop being violent.

Freephone: 0808 8024040

Rise Perpetrators | RISE (

RISE offers strength-based, trauma-informed services and is committed to providing accessible, fair, and safe services to survivors of violence and abuse, including women of all ages, children, young people, Trans and Non-binary people, Lesbians and Bisexual women, Gay and Bisexual men, Black and minoritised women, women with religious affiliations or none, Disabled women and other minoritised women.

Tel: 01273 622 822 (Monday and Tuesday mornings, 9.30 – 12.30pm and Wednesday 5-7pm.) Email: If you are looking for specialist LGBTQ+ support, email If you wish to make a referral for yourself, you can use our online referral forms.

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